grandmamarsha

hated, degraded

2009-05-29T17:48:00.000-07:00

Never in my life have I been treated this badly, been considered an idiot on a daily basis. It's sad that one has to go through this. People who consider themselves to be in the inner circle should be ashamed of themselves. We're all people for Christ's sake, we basically have the same freaking blood running through our veins. Mine's red, and yours probably is too, not blue or purple.

teukie's laugh

2009-05-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

Super Junior Leeteuk's laugh. Mood-uplifting for me. =) such a cute guy.

26 and out of touch of reality

2009-05-21T16:50:00.000-07:00

I turned 26 last February, big deal, you would probably say. I'm past the adolescent mark. I'm on my way to full-fledged adulthood. But the funny thing is, I think I am de-maturing (If there ever is such a term). I growing DOWN.

For those who knew me in college, they would probably say that I am a reliable person, a strong-willed individual. I was independent and most of the time big-sisterly, even motherly at times to those who are younger than me. I baby them like there's no tomorrow. I was everybody's Ate Sharry.

After a couple of years of working straight out of college, I get scolded by my boss at least once a week, I appear to be the lousiest assistant a boss could ever have and I can't seem to strike a decent conversation with people outside my circle of friends and family. What the hell has happened to me? Where is my old self?

I am not the Ate that i once was. maybe my little sister grew up that I can't baby her as much anymore. Even the type of music I listen to has changed from rock to korean pop. (Not that it's bad, I love kpop, and still is very much in love with rock music.) Kpop keeps me drunken happy everyday. I don't know how to really explain it, but I have become a softie.

I don't want my old stiff self back, heck no. I just want my old attitude, the assertiveness I lost. I'm keeping my funny, laughing self.

seeing clearly through the blind

2009-02-13T06:07:00.001-08:00

Last week, I accompanied my best friend Dan on her thesis defense. Like all students about to be grilled,baked and fried during their deliberations, Dan was nervous (which was totally out of her character). When we met up in Tutuban and rode the Revo she rented, I asked her about her thesis. I was surprised to find out that she was doing a topic on Braille Art. At first I was skeptical, for I have never heard of such a thing. But when she explained it to me, it dawned on me that even the visually impaired can experience and appreciate art as well. It turns out that Braille art is well-accepted in other countries and is slowly gaining popularity.

The visual part of her painting was exceptionally good as expected. A 6x6 ft., black and white ballpoint illustration entitled "The Stagnant Pedicab Driver", Dan's piece was a breath of fresh air from the bursting color of the other paintings in the gallery. The piece was then interpreted in poetry, then translated to Braille, which was placed on glass on top of the artwork. The glass was placed as a protection for the artwork. The Braille dots were made of silicon sealant. Why then did she not just do artwork that has texture and embossing, as for the blind to feel the artwork? Dan wanted the blind to interpret the artwork, and not just merely think of what the textures and forms being touched are suggesting.

I also got to meet 3 remarkable persons that day. Annabelle, a blind student from Philippine School for the Blind, Mutya, also blind, and a graduate of PSoB and their teacher, Ma'am Cora. Annabelle had to give an impromptu reaction on Dan's painting that day. (She had never touched the artwork) What fascinated me is that they seem to be leading a more normal life that me. The two had handicaps, but they were living their lives, fighting. They were facing the harsh world, without seeing a single thing. I, on the other hand is with sight, but is hiding inside my preferred "dome" environment (a.k.a. places I am comfortable in like UST CFAD, the library and my current workplace.) I keep on dreaming of belonging to these places of sanctuary, because of the simple fact that I am scared. That day I realized that I had nothing to be afraid of. And that I should be ashamed of myself. =)

I really like days like this one. It humbles me, helps keep me grounded and gives me that needed wake-up "slap" in the face.

a moment of silence

2009-01-18T17:13:00.000-08:00

Let us pray for the soul of Mrs. Anita Chan, mother of Steph, Kim and Ryan Chan. She passed away this morning at 1 AM. May God keep her close to Him and welcome her into His kingdom. Auntie, even though I am always shy whenever I visit you, I really honor and respect you, and I love you like my real Auntie.

Kontra-Kontra @ Sigwada Gallery

2009-01-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

Last night was the opening of the "Kontra-Kontra" exhibit by my college classmate Ige Trinidad and his cousin Tad Pagaduan at the Sigwada gallery at Sta. Cruz, Manila. Really nice work guys. Your place looks awesome too, very old Manila, Chica and I loved it a lot. (Actually naiinggit kami.)

I really don't have a lot of words (or complete sentences...) right now to describe the fun I had attending the opening. What I know is that it's really GREAT to be back to my old exhibit-attending, non-afraid of people self. It was nice to see people from UST Cfad again. Which reminds me, I haven't been seriously drawing for quite some time now.

Since I'm not equipped with complete sentences right now, I'll just jot the words that i came across last night, hahaha

sigwada

catholic trade

tayuman station

hot pink post its

candy canisters

spoon and ice cream

brewed coffee

smidgets and peanuts

lumpiang shanghai

singang sa miso

longganisang lucban

sinigang na baboy

laing and bicol express

fried chicken

agusan del sur

bulacan

pasok mga bwitre

soft pillow kisses

giniling festival

pedicab

cueshe

I had fun. =)

my new year's resolution:

2008-12-31T16:38:00.000-08:00

BE HAPPIER yet MORE DISCIPLINED. =)

my first museo pambata gift giving

2008-12-23T17:42:00.000-08:00

Last December 21, 2008, Museo Pambata held its annual gift giving, this year entitled Pasko para sa Batang Pinoy. Food items, toys and books were given to kids from poor communities around Manila. They also got to tour the Museum for free. They even had free ice cream after receiving their goodie bags. =)

I really didn't have any idea what would happen that day. My officemates told me it would be a fun, tiring day and we would all have a hard time going home that we would have to hail taxi cabs. The day was indeed much fun, I was laughing out loud while taking pictures of the kids from Baseco & Brgy. 666 among others. They were screaming with delight the moment the museum doors opened for them. Some kids even asked me (repeatedly...) to take pictures of them. I was all too happy to oblige. While photographing the kids, I received cute liitle paper butterflies from a number of them. Looks like we weren't the only ones who came prepared for the gift giving.

The gift bags were distributed, with Mayor Lim and the Ambassadors of the US and Czechoslovakia helping out for some minutes or so. (photographing them was the most difficult part, where again, I had to pave my way against the other photographers. Maybe I'll take up american football classes next time so I can tackle them effectively next time. Just kidding...). The small kids looked so cute while carrying their goodie bags, some almost fell while doing so, because the bags weigh as much as they do. Of course the Museo kuyas and ates were there to help them.

After the bags were all dispersed, the tired and hungry staff ate the leftover ice cream from Manong Kool Kreme's cart, with me not even eating a scoop because of the fear of coming down with a cold again. I'm down with a cold right now, I should've eaten a gallon of ice cream. =(

I did need to be fetched from the Museo to be able to head home, they gave the staff five goodie bags each. What a lovely Christmas it's going to be this year.

welcome back to earth, a Rico Blanco album review

2008-12-22T00:52:00.000-08:00

After listening to purely Korean music for almost three weeks, wanting to not think about the lyrics of songs, I'm back to understanding what songs actually mean (without having to look up english translations over the internet). Thanks to Rico Blanco's new album, Your Universe.

Rico Blanco's new album has an international-yet-still-close to it's Filipino roots kind of sound. What I mean is, it's like using sounds and lyrics that you usually find in OPM songs, then bringing the level up, a hundred times more. (pardon my being vague, this is my first album review...) Most of the songs are love songs, or love-themed, and I notice they are mostly panunuyo songs. Sounds like they're coming from a very much inlove writer, I'm not sure of that... haha

This is a really good album to listen to, and I would like to thank Mr. Blanco for pulling me out of my non-english/tagalog listening slump!

***so much for doing an album review...

Meet Kangin-Sunshine, my new anesthetic

2008-12-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

Meet the guy that's making me smile right now. Well he's technically in Korea and a celebrity there, but still, he does a fine job of making me smile (and laugh). Kangin of Super Junior, a great singer, comedian/bully of the group. Yes, i know Super Junior's target fan base are highschool girls ages 13-16, but hey, I really do think I kinda missed out of being a teen. haha...really makes me happy-numb when I fel like escaping my complicated little world. Check Super Junior out, maybe you'll like them, just leave out some WEIRD parts...

searchlights by David Cook (axiom)

2008-12-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

Where did you hide yourself

For these searchlights are growing dim

I know this isn't much to recollect

Better now to close this puppet show

And say that it's the end

But for me, Could you ready yourself

And hold on for a moment?

Just for me, Could you bury it all

And hold on to this moment?

You made me fall forever

With no end in sight

When everything around is broken

Could you say that this felt right?

You are, for contradiction's sake,

Everything I remember that I swore I'd forget

Your life has served you well

But everyone around has perished

From this fire that you've lit

Under meI can ready myself

To hold on for a moment

Lock and key,

Trying to bury it all

And begin in this moment

You made me fall forever

With no end in sight

When everything around is broken

Could you say that this felt right?

You made me fall forever

With no end in sight

When everything around is broken

Could you say that this felt right?

You made me fall forever

With no end in sight

When everything around is broken

Could you say that this felt right?

Say it felt right

***nice message...***

when reality crashes down on me

2008-12-05T04:51:00.000-08:00

I received my first salary today from Museo Pambata. I almost cursed and fell out of my seat when I saw my pay slip. It was actually half of what I used to make in my previous employer. I really like working at Museo, but the pay really hurts my budget. Oh well, you can never have everything. Thank goodness for sidelines.

Yesterday was really a rotten day for me, I was down with a severe cough, and I did not feel like going to work. I felt worse because there was no valid reason for me not to like my present job. What is there not to like? (except for the pay :D) I have always wanted a job like this, and now I have it. Why am I being so ungrateful?

Anyways, I think I was having some kind of withrawal syndrome. This is where the regret comes in. Should I have not left my previous employer? Should I have stayed and sucked it all up? I missed him so much that I succumbed to the urge of replying to his texts. I felt tired, though there was no known reason to be tired. I felt tired of my life. Nothing that I did seem to make sense anymore.

So I texted my friend Dan and she talked me into my senses once again. She never fails to wake me up whenever I am on the verge of spiralling down into depression. I realized that If I keep including him in my life, then I totally defeat the whole purpose of my resignation. I wanted a life that is void of him, without him existing in my everyday. I wanted to not be affected by him. This past month I was betraying myself, swaying away from my goal in the first place. In other words, If I continue on with this b.s., my sacrifice will be for nothing. I am broke and my life is still full of him. And I definitely do not want that. I'm waking up.

bazaaristas

2008-12-01T02:42:00.001-08:00

Things you learn in a bazaar:
1. Free up your WHOLE day for the bazaar, you will not accomplish anything if you choose not to do so. (you'll miss out on all the fun and work.) Do not ride the MRT doing the holiday season if you still love your life.
2. People are only willing to buy ridiculously cheap things for Christmas presents.
3. People will not buy your products, no matter how high-quality it is. What matters is the price. cheap! cheap! cheap!
4. Ask naturally cheerful persons to sell your products for you. (Thanks to my sister Chesca and Steph's sister Kim!)
5. It's always best to be with friends during bazaars!

sleepy...but will write

2008-11-27T05:46:00.000-08:00

I met up with my friend Dan today after work. Got to see her volkswagen beetle for the first time (danuynuy), never thought that beetles got that much attention, especially from kids. A little boy accompanied by his grandfather even came up to us just to say hi to the volks beetle. Cute.

We met up becuse she was missing her boyfriend who was under an artist residency in Malaysia, and I was, well missing someone not allowed to be missed. Damn. I really want him out of my system.

I want to use yellow text for the yellow volkswagen beetle, but its not readable...I'm soooo sleepy, my entry doesn't make sense at all...heehee

torn pages

2008-11-23T05:49:00.000-08:00

for someone I ought to forget, but can't keep locked inside my head, the torn pages series.

we made it to front page!

2008-11-23T05:17:00.000-08:00

Guess what? The palipalaruan launch made it to not only one broadsheet front pages. Both The Philippine Star and The Philippine Daily Inquirer (one featured here), November 21 issue. photo by Edwin Bacasmas

not-so-shy photographer

2008-11-20T05:05:00.000-08:00

Today, I had my first shot at PR photography, well photographing an event, that is. It was the opening of Palipalaruan at Museo, a once war helicopter turned playground for kids. Once an element of war, now a bridge for peace. Artists volunteered to design the chopper, and it looked really cheery after its overhaul.

At first I felt hesitant to approach guests to take their pictures (heck that was what I was supposed to be doing there...), but after a while, I kinda got the hang of it. I admit, I am bad at taking staged group shots. I don't like saying waaan... twooo...threeee! Cut me some slack, I’m a very shy person to begin with.

But when the playground was opened and the children were allowed to explore the helicopter, my shyness in photo-taking vanished. They were kids, I knew I could talk to them. (we think the same way, haha ) I really enjoyed taking their pictures, I was later worried that my photos were not appropriate for documentation purposes. My shoes were all muddy because of the wet earth of the playground but I didn’t mind a bit.I had an asthma attack that morning but I forgot about it while shooting. I even elbowed my way against the professional photographers that were also there. I discovered one thing tough, photographers for newspapers are vultures! I tell you, vultures! Well, at least there was one cute vulture, heehee…

After the event, my back was aching. I spent the rest of the day printing addresses on envelopes to be used for Christmas cards. I made my second new friend, Macho, my trusty, HP 1280, not-so-large format printer. My day couldn’t be lovelier.

Is it not a good time?

2008-11-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm worried. What if I chose the wrong time to think about myself and take the job at Museo Pambata? What if I should concentrate on landing high-salary jobs and put off my selfish dreams for later? I have this urge of filing my resignation right now and take that Microsourcing job at Libis, one that exceeds financial expectations. You see, my sister is returning to school come mid next year, and I should be the one helping her out. What if I made the wrong decision? I know that careerwise, Museo is the way to be. But financially, and realistically, a high paying job suits me (and my family) well. Scrap this dream of mine in the mean time.

I'm really, really worried. If ever I should change my mind, I should do it as early as now. Aaaaggghhhh...I want my sister to finish her studies without her worrying all the time about her tuition money. I'm really, really, really, worried.

addicted to fax tone (my second day at work)

2008-11-13T04:08:00.000-08:00

Meet my new friend, brother. Museo Pambata's slightly dysfunctional but still highly-operational fax machine. I gave him that name today (brother being his brand name), having spent the whole day faxing media advisories and invites to media persons, trustees and board members of the museo. Mommy Flor showed me how to use the machine, having to pinch and press on certain areas for it to work properly. After a half an hour or so of fidgeting with the machine, brother finally worked. My first friend in my new office, a fax machine. My special bond with office equipment once again confirmed.

While I was busy faxing, a sudden commotion came about the office. And guess what was causing it. A bird. A bird that collided with one of the glass windows in the third floor. It was hurt, and everyone (including the executive director of the museo) was pitching their ideas on what happened to the bird (Was it paralized? Is it having internal hemmorhage?) or what should be done to it (give it a drink of water, massage it, etcetera...) I was pretty happy to see them react that way to the bird situation. Those people were serious about their work, their passion, but still lighthearted enough to care for a handicapped bird.

Two days in my new job and I am still happy about it. I'm excited to take on this new responsibility of being a PR or Communications assistant. Who would have guessed that someone who speaks an average of 10 words an hour would get to be PR assistant. I still will have designing and photo jobs to do, but it's mostly PR. Maybe I'll be sociable after this. Maybe not. Whatever the outcome, i just want to enjoy this job. My sister told me that I once dreamt of working in Museo, and I kinda forgot about this small dream. I guess dreams never get forgotten, they just lay there in the bottom of your heart, silently making its way out of your system, making itself reality.

First Day Funk

2008-11-12T03:48:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of work at Museo Pambata Foundation as a communications assistant. First thing that I noticed was the atmosphere of the workplace. All the people were really, I mean REALLY nice. I thought I was a nice person, come to think of it, but these people were of a different league. And all of them were shiny happy people. A workplace far too different from the one I came from, which was full of intrigue and gossip. I didn't feel as if I was walking on eggshells all the time. I'm even amazed with mamu, as the whole office would call the executive director, because she was such a down-to-earth person. I don't know what awaits me at Museo Pambata, but now, although my pockets are emptier than usual, I felt that my heart was in the right place.

But the funny thing about this day, despite being happy about my new job, I also missed my old one. I missed the feeling of being at home, although I know that eventually I will feel at home in Museo. Who would have thought I would miss Alexander's? And despite of all the stupidity he has done, things that hurt me much, I miss the friend that I lost there. .(My friends would probably kick my ass for saying that...)Well, It's not really him I miss, but the friendship, the routine, the familiarity. I just find this all weird, that's all.

The So-Called Quarter Life Crisis

2008-11-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

I have been hearing the term “mid-life crisis” ever since I could comprehend the English language. They say that it is this phase in an adult’s life, where he or she is about 45-50 years of age, where he or she experiences confusion, thus doing crazy, out-of-character things. Quite some time ago, I stumbled upon a magazine article regarding not mid-life crisis, but instead quarter life crisis.

I can’t say much behind the truth or theory behind this quarter life crisis, all I can say that it is truly difficult to be a twenty-something. You, as a new adult, are thrown into the “real” world, void of the security blanket that your university once gave you. You hold on to dear life to your idealisms, and question yourself if they are indeed worth holding on to. And those dreams you have, if you are a bit financially challenged like I am, you may want to trade them for that higher compensation every 15th and 30th of the month. I personally, would not want to give up this crazy dream of mine of being a children’s book illustrator. But reality is pushing me to do otherwise and prioritize earning.

It’s not just your dreams that are put at stake here, your emotions and, even your values are put to the test. Hearts get broken left and right. The things that were unacceptable to you may just be plain normal for others, that you’d be just a stick in the mud for not agreeing with them. Morality and immorality has become a one-size-does-not fit all thing, and from what I saw, can easily be disregarded.

Depression can also be a problem for us twenty-somethings, it seems like my friends and I are taking turns having sadness bouts lately. Thank goodness we have these depressions alternately. I think it’s easier to be sad if you have someone to be sad witb you, then cheer you up after wards.

Simply put, it’s really hard (but great) to be in your quarter-life. No well-put words will best describe this time in our lives. But we’re here, we might as well just live it. And as people say, it’s just a freaking phase.

on being unemployed

2008-10-13T02:29:00.000-07:00

After working on a garments manufacturing company for three excrutiating but weirdly happy years, I am finally free, having resigned last end of September. I realized that I have been tired for the past two years. I was so tired that I was not even able to feel it. If not for one painful, unbelievably low and unthinkable (you will never expect that such a thing actually happens) incident that was caused by two "so-called" friends, I wouldn't have resigned from my old job. I don't know. I think I'm actually thankful for what happened, it was a rude but well-needed awakening for me. It told me that I had to choose my friends well, and to stop falling for emotional vampires. It also reminded me of the things that I really wanted to do, and that being stuck in a garments factory in Tondo will not help me get what I want. (Don't get me wrong, I love Tondo, it kinda grows on you after a while...)

As of the moment, I have been unemplyed for two weeks now, a bit worried, but enjoying the rest period I have.